Happy Easter everyone!

Katie and I went to church this morning, which is always an interesting experience. We’ve never really had a “home” church, like the one that Katie’s family has gone to regularly in Portland since she was a child. We also tend to go mainly on holidays (Easter, Christmas).

My relationship with organized religion has always been, well, complicated. On Facebook, I list myself as “Lutheranish” and I’ve left it that way for a while. Why did I change it from blank to Lutheranish? Why don’t I change it to just Lutheran?

Because I feel Lutheranish. I grew up without religion. I remember going to a few Buddhist temples, but there was never much beyond that. When we moved to the U.S., we didn’t go to church. Most of my friends in elementary through high school were Jewish.

I had not stepped into a church (except perhaps as a tourist into “famous” churches) until I started dating Katie. The first few times, I’ll admit it was a bit odd. Maybe odd isn’t the right word. I was nervous. And I’m still a bit nervous when I go; I don’t have a lifetime of church-going experiences to look back on.

Why do I get nervous at all? Because churches feel heavy; they feel like “important” places. I get nervous because I don’t know the hymns that well, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do all the time, and I still don’t quite know if I belong.

Because I started this whole thing as a young adult, it’s harder. I’m not baptized and I don’t feel like I’ve had the appropriate experiences as a child to be a true Lutheran now. I also didn’t have my parents teaching me anything about religion as a child, and it’s hard to find time to teach it to myself nowadays. What I have more than anything else is questions.

I like a lot of things about religion: the community that a church fosters, the overall teachings of Jesus Christ, and how friendly being in a place of worship makes everyone. Then, there are the parts of organized religion that are a bit more distressing, that I haven’t quite made peace with. There are sections of the Bible (the Old Testament, mainly) that require further exploration. There’s the historical use of religion as a catalyst for violence and bigotry. But these are almost all on a macro level; one could argue that religion itself is sometimes being exploited for the gain of certain groups of people.

Either way, like most things in life, I think organized religion is a balance. But on a day like Easter, when in a church surrounded by like-minded people who are wishing peace and happiness on their fellow men, it’s hard to see that as anything but a good thing.